He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
