I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
