In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
