chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
