I am in a vortex of obligation.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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