his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
