Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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