I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
