Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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