what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
