i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
