I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize