i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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