I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize