the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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