the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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