U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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