i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
