Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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