Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
