Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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