I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
