Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
