ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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