For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
