Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
