You're completely useless in the revolution.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
pray to the hookup gods
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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