i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
