finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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