actually, I'm a sock model
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we're so committed to being not committed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
