Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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