Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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