i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
