ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize