I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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