oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
