After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
