Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
