i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
