tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
