You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
