tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
