Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
