evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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