he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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