used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
