We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
