Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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