I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
