so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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