Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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