he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
