I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
