New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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