remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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