Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
