Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
