I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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