did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
