Who wears a wallet chain?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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