sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize