I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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