he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
