hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
zippers are such a cool invention
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize